Guys!  We are super excited to reveal the progress on a home we’ve been building in Jacksonville, FL.  It’s taken north of 14 months to get where we are.  But trust me, when you see it you will be AMAZED. 

Ready for the big reveal?  Close your eyes.  Wait for it…

You’d think Joanna Gaines designed it herself. Nope. This castle is the miracle work of Pinnacle Homes of St. Augustine, FL – our builder. I want to ensure they get *maximum* credit for their work. Pinnacle Homes. Pinnacle Homes. Pinnacle Homes.

Here’s a step-by-step on how we got here:

Step 1: Sign a contract. 

This company has a smooth marketing operation. Frankly, their marketing guy should run for Congress (or maybe he should just run the company…). He told us the house would be built in 11 months and I’d be communicating directly with the owner throughout the process. They were gonna charge us more than other builders, but it was a *fixed price* contract. The reviews were good. It all looked legit.

We signed a contract with Pinnacle Homes in April of 2021.  Sigh.  I miss our courtship days with Pinnacle Homes.  We were so special back then. 

Step 2: Permits. 

The permits were supposed to be finished in August of 2021.  But alas, the plans didn’t get to the county until November.  That’s not bad tho, right?  I mean, it only took half a year for the company to get a pre-designed house plan to the county for permitting. 

Unfortunately, Duval County rejected the plans three times.  Of course, none of this was Pinnacle Homes’ fault.  According to Tim Quinn, the President and Owner of Pinnacle Homes, it was because the county officials were busy sitting at home doing…well… 

So to recap: the President of Pinnacle Homes claims there was no progress on our house over the winter because the County architects were busy sitting at home.  Masturbating.  Every day. 

Anyway.  Fast forward like four more months.  Remember in Rudy when, after all that adversity, he finally gets on the football field?  That’s what it felt like when our permits were approved.  I was ready to pick the entire Pinnacle Homes team up on my shoulders and carry them to my property.  But I didn’t because that would have been weird. 

Step 3: Clear the lot. 

Fast forward to the spring, when we started cutting things down.  But alas, Pinnacle needed an additional $12,500 from us – in cash.   Why?  Because costs had gone up over the past year (while the county was, you know, sitting at home doing what they do). 

It took several months to finally get this lot cleared.  What happened to the trees we paid thousands extra to remove?  Well, some got pushed into the woods.  Too easy. 

But did they at least dig up the stumps?      

Step 4: pour the foundation. 

Now for the exciting part.  Workers.  Shovels.  Wood.  Actual building happening. 

But on the *very first* day, we ran into an issue.  We suddenly need a stem wall.  The owner of Pinnacle Homes sent me all the details in a text message screen shot with some guy named “Guilermo”…

So I now owed Pinnacle Homes an additional $32k.  Cash.  Because “the left side of the house is gonna take more material and labor.” 

I had questions.  In response, Pinnacle Homes shut me the heck up:  

Equipped with this brilliant explanation, I paid the thirty two grand.  I’m now out over $44,000 in unanticipated costs.    

With the ransom stem wall paid last week, yesterday we were supposed to be back on track.  Note: we couldn’t get on track last week because the concrete guy was “out of town.”  So why didn’t we get rolling yesterday?  Get ready to channel your inner Michael Scott…

So anyway, that explains yesterday. 

Today?  Nothing.  We’re being completely ghosted.  I’m sure there’s a reason.  Perhaps the owner’s dog ate his phone.  Or he tripped on his Roomba on the way out the door and couldn’t work on our house.  Who knows!  

Here’s some unsolicited marriage advice: if you’re having communication issues with your spouse, find yourself a builder that plays hard to get. Like Pinnacle Homes.  That way you both can spend countless hours talking together about what could possibly be holding up the project.    

So that’s where we’re at.  When will the house be finished?  Not sure.  Will we have a house next winter?  Not sure.  Will we be homeless?  Not sure!  And that, folks, is the exciting part.   

Thanks to Pinnacle Homes I have no money, no house, and no regrets.  

If you’re interesting in living out a multi-year mental breakdown at all times, I highly recommend going with the best company ever: Pinnacle Homes. 

Update: I wrote this three weeks ago. The stem wall? It’s not up. The porta potty is still there tho. The neighbors are loving it.